I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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