I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
