Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
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Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
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ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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