I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize