Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
