cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
