Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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