I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
