I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Randomize
