That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
