dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
