Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
