Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
