So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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