I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
