I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
