covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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