Screwed.edu
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
