4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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