what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Hippo gnu deer
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
