I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
