I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
