Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
We need to rekindle our bromance
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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