32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
