I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
