I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
