george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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