u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
