You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
