i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
