it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
