I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
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