Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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