I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
