last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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