I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Randomize
