in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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