DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize