your thong is hanging out like whoa
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
