I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
