I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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