Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
