There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
