Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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