Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
