I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
