very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
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