I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
