dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Randomize
