We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I'm passing your future prison.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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