Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
