I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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