if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
