so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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