All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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