he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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