Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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