Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
