he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
