Will you blow on my dice?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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