i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
