We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
