just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
not ubering you a puppy
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