Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
