So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
