All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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