In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
birth control should be required to get into college
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Randomize
