He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
You've changed since you got that strap on
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