I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Randomize
