mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
