I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
