dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I intend to get homeless drunk
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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